rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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