we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
