i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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