i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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