I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
