East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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