my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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