I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
