We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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