maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
