This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
