i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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