they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
