you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
