im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
