I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
