There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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