That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
