He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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