I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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