At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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