So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Vodka?
Forever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
