Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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