It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I won the penis lottery.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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