i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
