Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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