Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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