it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
