she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
