You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
