What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize