hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
