It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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