I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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