I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize