I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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