If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize