I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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