i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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