Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
