where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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