I'm drive I can fine osifer
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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