Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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