Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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