i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
two words...techno handjob
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
