Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
youre lurking in front of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize