I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
