it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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