I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
