Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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