Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
