I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
