Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
