epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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