Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
