The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
