I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
