Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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