i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
