Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
