Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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