our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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