I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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