we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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