Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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