I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
