Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
