So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
