im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wanna go halves on a baby?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
