Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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