3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
