I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
